Following the onset of the Covid-19 quarantine and isolation, I found myself plunged into two weeks of utter depression. I forced myself to face many of my own fears head on. As a teacher as well as a long time business owner of several entrepreneurial ventures that have prevailed as well as failed, I was exhausted with the rollercoaster of running multiple businesses and projects. I found myself face to face with addressing what really mattered with my few remaining years. As I faced the question of continuing as a business owner of my latest entrepreneurial venture which is projected to make tons more money as we pivoted and progressed, deep down inside I knew that I wanted to move beyond having money, power, and status and deeper into purpose, passion and intention.
And so I decided to quit, really quit. I’m done.
I’m done harboring my talents and gifts for the highest bidder - My gifts will forever be available for sharing, for a fair exchange of currency, commodity or love even.
I’m done subconsciously subscribing to the hopes of being the next baller at the expense of my most precious gifts. The gift of sharing, of balance, of being fully present with humanity and worst of all, of my creativity. I do not believe that I was making a fair exchange in value. In fact, I was sickened by my realization that more than anything, my talent as a creator and giver of that gift was severely hurt and suffering.
Admitting where I was in my life and letting go of certain parts of me was only the first part. I needed to decide on how I was going to continue next. This came from me getting silent and reading. I stumbled upon something that really resonated with me.
And in the words of Lucien Lecarme:
I made this oath: When I come out of this, I let go indefinitely my fear of having to compete to survive. I will create a reality where this will be no longer necessary. I will surround myself with peers and friends with the same values, exchange what I have to give, get paid and pay if needed, and I will be OK.
And from there, I picked up my paint brush and canvas and began again.
I have since then continued to paint online, whether through small groups or just myself. With a little bit of music and wine to set the mood, I can feel myself return back to who I know I ultimately am above else. A creator. That’s it.
I’ve been excited as few people dip through my live painting sessions from time to time on Instagram and Facebook with some sending me Direct Messages, Texts and posts of their completed work. It makes me so happy to see their finished work as so many have set these up in their homes as paint day with the kids and even date night for couples. The added blessing being that some of the pieces I work are sold within the next few hours. The energy from this love offering ignited something in me and that’s how I knew I was on the right path of sharing and spreading art and art making.
No more are the days where capitalism and the hustle (as we call it) rules my every thought and move. I am learning that staying true to who I am brings forth gifts that enable me to live my life with financial stability but also helps me to ultimately use my God given gifts to give light to the world.
I am valuable. I lack nothing. And I give in the name of abundance always. In all ways.